Bill and Ted's Heinous Mission
This is primarily a straight-forward parody of lots of time-travel
movies: notably Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure but also
films like Back to the Future and Terminator 2. The
plot centers on an accidental trip by Bill S. Preston (Esquire) and
Ted Theodore Logan -- the young members of WILD STALLION.
Synopsis: B&T are kidnapped by Death Leopards after coming to
the wrong future because the Computer was driven insane some time in
the past. Eventually, they try to re-capture the two but they are
rescued by the Terminator. They return with Marty McFly (whose
Delaurian was stolen) to be re-briefed. They then go back in time
to the birth of the Computer, and one of them gets to modify the
Computer to the type of ...
Part One: Kidnapping
- The PC's are roused by a highly over-caffeinated person by the
name of Galli-G-WIZ.
"Good morning! My name am Galli. I'm from over in WIZ
sector, and I have great news for you youngsters. You are being
promoted to full Red-clearance Troubleshooters! You have been
carefully selected for an urgent, top-priority, sui... ah, that
is, highly secret mission. Traitors are attempting to go back in
time and erase the glorious birth of the Computer. I have
determined you to be the best citizens for this mission. I have
with me here an Armed Forces squad to help you change into your
At this point, ogre-like soldiers dive on you, stripping you of
your black Infrared uniforms and into your new Red uniforms
(Red reflec armor). Galli says "I have to go over to that
corner. Why don't...uh, you (pointing) come with me." He
explains that someone is messing with the One True Way that Time
should be. He hands him a note: "Secret Orders from Mystics:
Seek the core of inner silence at the center of all activity".
(See Prop #1A)
He then goes back to the others, saying
"OK. Well, let's get to the briefing, then."
- They are escorted out to a transbot which is waiting outside
the dormitories. Galli explains to them about their duties
and responsibilities, while handing out positions of the
- The briefing room is a fairly featureless metal warehouse with a
10-meter high ceiling. It looks quite old, and the end they are
on is an open area, while a short distance away the warehouse is
filled with various 2m and larger boxes stacked on the shelves.
There are numerous citizens in full radiation suits walking
around holding small devices with antennaes that stick up.
- Galli then explains that this seems to be the epicenter of the
"chronon flux" that indicates the interference of commie mutant
traitors in the timeline. While talking, he edges away so that
the PC's are between him and the center of the room.
- CRASH!! Suddenly a plexiglass-walled vehicle crashes down in the
middle of the room, and two citizens of indeterminate security
clearance step out. They call out in unison, "How's it going,
most excellent future dudes?". After a few moments of confusion,
heavily-armed infrared citizens burst in screaming and shooting.
One of them blows up the troopers with a bazooka, along with a
teammate standing behind him.
- These are the Death Leopards. There are puns with: Iron Maiden,
Van Halen, Motley Crue, Pantera, Motorhead, Black Sabbath,
Megadeath, Metallica, Judas Priest, Exodus.
Example: "I am Judas Halen, and this is my motley crew of
heavily-armed motorheads. Stay where you are and put your hands
up, or we'll shoot you until you are mega-dead. We're taking
Bill and Ted."
"Tie them up."
"OK, turn around. We're going to make our exodus now. If any of
you come after us, you'll be in a world of pain. I mean it:
we're totally black sadists."
Part Two: Equipment
- The party are hustled into a trans-bot which shuttles them over
to WIZ sector. There is a plain unmarked building with nine
floors. Galli orders them to go to room 966 for their
equipment. When the transbot arrives, they are dropped off by a
row of corridors marked "500", "600", "700", "800", "900".
The 900 corridor has an unnumbered closet where "966" should be.
- Second random room: Kirk and Spock are working here
("A yellow-clearance citizen and a blue-clearance citizen with
a long face and a cap pulled down over his ears"). He reports:
"I am attempting to build a quantum chrono-tunneling device
using stone knives and bear skins. "
- First random room: Dr. Evil (of Austin Powers) working on his
time portal. "No, I'm busy working on bringing back various
gadgets through my time portal. If you don't go away, I will be
forced to use my laser on you, you pitiful things."
- Third random room: H.G. Wells (?)
- If the players don't figure it out themselves, you can have
someone suggest that they look over beside room 665. For
example, if they are still messing about with the closet of
cleaning supplies, a janitor-bot could come by, shoo them out of
the closet, and give them directions.
- Room 966 is located between rooms 665 and 667.
- As they reach for the handle or try to knock on the door, it
swings open of its own accord, revealing a stiff-backed 'mod'
Indigo-clearance citizen. The citizen introduces himself:
So, you're the ones they've sent to catch Bill and Ted, eh?
Greetings!! My name is Eefil. Walk this way...
Since it is imperative that we capture Bill and Ted alive, I
have come up with a series of devices for this purpose.
- Eefil-I-WIZ then introduces them to their equipment. By a table
with lots of gadgets on it. There are also a whole bunch of
nervous-looking Infrareds standing around along with some other
- Sleep Gas Grenade (optional)
- This is a grenade that explodes releasing sleep gas over a
wide area. Gas masks are not provided with it.
When asked, Eefil will say simply "That's not experimental.
See a regular ordinary (spit) equipment provider."
- The Heavy Squad Tangler (optional)
- This is a flamethrower-like device with a very heavy
backpack. Eefil laboriously puts it on and then sprays out
tangle-threads over a group of 20 dummies.
- The Sonic Stunner
- Eefil first demonstrates the stunner by shooting at an
Infrared who falls over. As he does so, an ear-piercing
shriek feels like it reaches in through your ear and drags
your guts out through your nose. He then explains (mouth
the following silently without voicing any words): "This
demonstrates the wide-angle version of the blast. By
turning this dial, you can focus the beam to reduce the
side effects. However, you must never turn the
dial while it is in recharging mode."
Naturally, Eefil will refuse to repeat this.
- Optically-guided Rocket-assisted Handcuff
- This is a heavy (10-pound) metal assembly that attaches to
the wielder's forearm using complex straps. When used, it
it sends a seeking rocket with a handcuff and cable attached.
The cuff locks onto the target, and then the cable retracts.
Of course, if it misses the target (as it always will for
a PC), the wielder will be uncontrollably dragged to whatever
it has hit.
- The Monofilament Lasso
- This is a small device that looks roughly like a flashlight.
There are two buttons on it: one aqua and one light blue.
Eefil will demonstrate it's use on a dummy protected by a
personal force field. He pushes a button to extend the
line, then with a flip of his wrist, the dummy's arms are
pinned to its side.
In practice, it will sever a random limb from the wielder
if it is extended and moved.
- Eefil-I-WIZ then sends them off to MTL sector where they can find
the ones who kidnapped Bill and Ted.
Part Three: First Contact
The MTL sector is where the transbot next takes them. They find
themselves heading down a long corridor. Most of the citizens here
appear to be Infrared. There are strange and loud sounds coming from
several of the rooms, which you would guess to be caused by the
violent dismantling of large comm units.
Note: If the PC's peek into any of these rooms, they will discover
that the noise is in fact caused by the violent dismantling of
large comm units.
- The PC's find that there is a set of double doors guarded by two
- At this point, a strange transbot suddenly appears in the middle
of the room -- travelling at high speed and leaving flaming
tracks. The door opens up and a short Red-clearance citizen
steps out, confused.
- At a critical point in the battle, a heavily-muscled man in black
walks into the room carrying a large multi-barrelled
slugthrower. He announces (in Austrian accent) "I am here to
protect Bill unt Ted." He then opens fire on the combatants,
- The Death Leopards do fire back with their slugthrowers. While
being mowed down, one of them does hit the man in the head,
breaking his sunglasses and revealing metal underneath his skin.
(Hand a note to Cheerleed-R-DMS)
- He then strides forwards to free B&T. They cry out "Dude,
you just totally killed all those people." The man simply looks
at the carnage and says, "Their clones will live."
- He throws them into the DeLaurian and drives off, leaving the
Red-clearance citizens in distress. He says that he saw where
they were heading, though: August 15, 2015.
Part Four: Re-briefing
- Upon returning to the briefing room (the warehouse), they find
that Galli has been replaced by his superior: Biff-B-TNN. Biff
is an extremely antagonistic bully: "You miserable, worthless
slackers. I don't know if I should even bother giving you new
orders, or just send you to the vats. Do you love the Computer?"
[...] "I can't hear you."
[...] "I still can't hear you."
[...] "I still can't hear you."
"Hold on." [takes earplugs out] "Alright, now I want you all to
ask me very nicely for your new mission directives."
- Just as the PC's ask him in unison for their new mission, they
notice that a faint blue aura appeared around Biff. (hand a note
to Nerd-R-DMS about this)
- Eventually, they should be able to talk Biff/Sam into bringing
them to where the time machine is kept.
- As they walk through the warehouse, they can see various
containers along the way. There are strange not-quite-human
bodies floating in liquid, and many sealed boxes with security
clearance. (Jimmy Hoffa's body, the Lost Ark, etc.)
Part Five: Back in Time
- They appear in the same warehouse that they started out
- This part has been improvised based on prior PC actions.
They should possibly have the option of stopping and saving
Bill and Ted, but more ideally, they can cause their own
John H. Kim <jhkim-at-darkshire-dot-net>
Last modified: Wed Aug 15 01:11:06 2007